We are always so caught up in what we want. What we need. What we dream of. What we want to do. But what about all of the amazing stuff we HAVE done? Maybe that should give us some joy, too. Eh?
I began to start thinking of the wonderful, amazing, weird, stupid, fantastical things I’ve experienced in my 47 years…In no particular order, it goes something like this:
Fell off the jungle gym in first grade and landed in a giant puddle of mud. Like, call-mom-I-need-new-clothes mud. She brought me a yellow t-shirt with Donny and Marie Osmond on it, (which I secretly loved, but would never admit it) and my “fancy” shoes, and jeans I hated. I never looked so good for school! And I never felt more out-of-my-skin uncomfortable. I liked to fade into the background. The shirt itched. I was also secretly terrified I would get in trouble for my accidental fall. Stupid kid brain. For some reason, this event has stuck with me.
I played on a few softball teams. And was a damn good slow-pitch pitcher. (Once upon a few decades ago.)
In Junior High, I got brave enough to be in the talent show. *Gulp. I choreographed the routine myself to some 80's song and was terrified. I didn’t win but received so many compliments from peers and teachers, that I felt like I won the Olympic Gold Medal.
Highschool. Oh, my God. I hated most of it. I was the shy, quiet, weird art girl. Didn’t fit in with the popular kids, not weird enough to be with the alternative squids. (No. I’m not being mean. That’s what their social group was called: the “Squids.”) I was lost somewhere in this awkward in-between. By my senior year, I was starting to get noticed for my art skills but was still stuck in the in-between. Little did I know, my art teacher submitted my portfolio to a National competition. Didn’t win. Nonetheless, it gave me the courage to apply to my dream school: The Center for Creative Studies. After a horrible portfolio review and interview process (something no other soon-to-be college student that I knew of had to endure) where I tried to squeak out answers to a horrible woman, who ripped every single piece in my portfolio to shreds, I escaped to my dad waiting outside, where I broke into tears, knowing I was never going to get in.
I got in. (I didn’t go. But that’s a story for another time.)
I tried out for and became a member of the Eastern Michigan Pom-Pon Squad. ME. The girl stuck in the In-Between. A pom girl???
I drove my little brother to Chicago so he could play in a big-time gig with his band at the time. (The Skolars...which later became Telegraph...Which several members later went on to form Suicide Machines and Alkaline Trio… both of whom my bro recorded with.)
I worked as a struggling artist for years. Painting. Drawing. Did some art shows. Worked as a crappy production artist, where I spent hours of my day in a dark room - with red lights and a temperature set to just above freezing. (This was not what art school promised.)
Had a dream job. Twice. Once before, and now again. (Grins happily.)
I have three amazing, beautiful, healthy children. I honestly don’t know how I raised them to be such great teens. Seriously, I don’t. It was hard. I struggled, I didn’t sleep, I cried. I felt like a horrible, mean mom more times than I can count. But somehow, these kids have such big hearts and bright minds. I am truly grateful I get to be their mom and watch them grow.
I wrote a book about myself. Once. I never published it, but it was the catalyst to me starting a blog and diving into the world of fiction. Since then, I’ve written eight more novels. EIGHT. I’ve hit the Amazon Best Sellers with every single one. That’s something not everyone can say. Long after I’m gone, I hope my words will continue to bring joy and laughter.
I got asked to help write a screenplay.
I got fired from said screenplay. (That’s something not everyone can say either! Haha!)
I’ve attended book signings where readers actually come to see ME. (Rock star moments.)
I took my kids to Disney World. (Best vacation EVER!)
I MET THE LORD OF THE DANCE, HIMSELF! And I couldn’t form any actual coherent sentences. Hahaha! That still cracks me up.
I've driven a convertible. Once. (Definitely need to do that again, please.)
I got ordained online and performed the marriage ceremony for two of my best friends!
I’ve watched my son mature into a sweet, kind, young man.
I’ve seen my daughters grow into intelligent, compassionate, thoughtful young women.
I got to experience online dating in the 21st century. (Ummm. Yikes. Slowly backs away...)
I was able to help take care of my dad in his final days and say goodbye to him. Not everybody gets that chance.
Decades ago, the garden I started from scratch, was featured on my city’s local garden walk.
I’ve sold my artwork to people who actually WANTED IT, and who now have a piece of my imagination and soul in their home.
I think I’ve met some of my most favorite people in the entire world in the last decade, especially in the last few years.
My siblings, much to my surprise, have become my biggest supporters and my best friends.
I’ve been on a paranormal ghost hunt and a house “cleansing.”
I’ve embarrassed myself in front of just about every single person I love or adore.
I’ve ridden in a limo. Several times.
Forced by my friend, I tried mussels. Once. And I didn’t hate them!
I’ve won raffles.
I ran a half marathon. Twice. I actually ran to Canada. Canada! That’s another country, people!
I ran the world’s only underwater mile. Twice.
I’ve made friends with strangers.
I’ve performed at Orchestra Hall and signed the wall backstage.
I’ve been on the radio and even T.V.
I’ve been to wineries, distilleries, and cider mills.
I’ve driven a boat. A car. A bike. A jet ski. Flown a kite. Played with a yoyo, sucked at Jacks, played football and baseball in the street. Mastered Atari,(though not quite an iPhone - ha), learned how to double-jump, play Chinese jump rope, and hopscotch, drank scotch, attended a Highland games and watched my friend toss a caber. (Yes, that’s a telephone pole.) I’ve been to concerts, clubs, and bars. Tasted wines, bourbons, and food so amazing that I’d swear the Best Chef in the world created it just for me.
I voiced a commercial.
I’ve submitted a manuscript to 32 agents. And have been rejected 32 times.
I’ve painted horrible things and wonderful things.
I drew the hardest thing I’ve ever attempted in 2017. AND NAILED IT.
I’ve met people in bands (and even became friends with some of them!)
I comforted my daughter after she totaled my car. On Mother’s Day. And, was beyond thankful she survived with only some bruises.
I’m sure there’s plenty more, but this was my stream of consciousness over a short amount of time and a few glasses of wine. I didn’t write this list to brag, but, instead wrote it as an exercise to revise my thinking. Too often, we complain about everything that’s wrong in our day, our lives, our work, etc. We get caught up in what we want, what we need, and what we don’t have, instead of being thankful and happy for all of the things that we DO have and all of the things that we’ve accomplished or have tried.
I may be still stuck in the In-Between (not to be confused with the Stranger Things Upside Down - that place is scary!) but, it’s not so bad. I’m in between some pretty cool things, projects, and people right now. I haven’t made it to where I want to be yet, but the journey so far has had its share of amazing. We all experience so many different events and circumstances in our lives, and I bet if you sat and thought about it for a few moments, you’d realize all of the fantastic stuff you’ve already achieved or experienced in your life. I hope I have a lot more time in this in-between, to cross stuff off my list before I kick the bucket.
Go forth and make your bucket list! But, don’t lose sight of all you’ve already done. And don’t worry about being in-between. Because sometimes, some of the best memories we have will arise from that awkward, weird place that we think we’re stuck in.