I opened my email the next morning and this was (most of) the email exchange from my brother. (Note the lack of punctuation. It’s his signature style when writing emails…all lower case… unless he really wants emphasize something. I did not edit his words.) His spastic excitement (hmmm...similar trait we share) is evident as he fired off his questions.
From my brother:
how did your book signing trip go?!
did i see you did another freebie? which book?
did you get more downloads?
hope so…
how is deja?!?!
when do i get pages?
The “pages” he is referring to above are pages from my newest (just completed) novel, Sky Blue. You may not have caught that reference in the rambling, but those five words ("when do i get pages?") were him harassing me to get the manuscript to him. As silly, or as unimportant as they may sound, those words meant the world to me. They showed he cares. He was one of the key people who have pushed me (and continue to push me) to write fiction. He is one of only five people I trust to read my book to before it gets published. His willingness to read, along with his critique sessions with me have been invaluable. He is a big reason why so many fans have fallen in love with Ruby, and I wanted to give him more credit than just a few sentences in an acknowledgement at the front of a book, because he deserves it. There are countless other emails that I have from him, echoing words of encouragement for my writing, or enthusiastic coaching for my running.
I remember when I got my first really negative review posted online. I was mortified. I sent a quick note to my brother telling him of my most recent bashing. (It was just plain mean by the way…it wasn’t criticism, it was cruel.)
My Brother’s Response (unedited):
PYOT
Welcome to Putting Yourself Out There.
i know what it's like to hear people praise and bash as well.
i always did music for me first, audience second....and let the chips fall where they may.
yes, they do go hand in hand as it is a shared "experience."
not all will like what they taste on the plate...
however,
the ones that do, will come back for more
and the ones that don't will leave.
i also noticed that the ones that return and share good feedback end up having a solid impact
and the ones that bailed eventually fade and lose emphasis.
place your efforts in sharing the goodness with those that dig it
and dont waste energy trying to convert those that dont.
(though, consider their opinions, as they may help you be Even Better or More Dynamic down the road.)
I just about cried when I read his pep talk, and after replying to him and discussing the number of positive reviews left, he answered with:
if it isnt constructive
it is a lot easier to dismiss
it is a tolerance thing...make 100 cookies and a couple are gonna be not so good...
doesnt taint the other 98.
make 1000 cookies, be ready for 20 blech ones…
So, why am I sharing this dialogue with you all? Simple. Because, as I said before, words matter. Showing you care about someone, matters. And, for all those writers and artists out there, take my brother's messages to heart. Those words are meant for you, too. A bad review doesn’t mean your work sucks. My brother is way too cool, and way too supportive for me to keep him a secret. This is why I do what I do. This is part of why I am who I am. This is how my family treats each other. You can take it, or you can leave it. As for me…I think they’re pretty good people to be stuck with, and I’m grateful.
Life is too short; moments too fleeting, to not share these things. Tell the people you love, (shoot, even the people you LIKE), just how special they are. If you cherish or respect someone, let them know. If you are proud or inspired by someone, let them know.
Say what you need to say today, you may not get a tomorrow.