Of course, I think the phrase is rarely (if ever) heard any more. Not politically correct I suppose. According to Wikipedia, the phrase was first used in 1765 by Thomas Hutchinson, who characterized an Indian gift as “a present for which an equivalent return is expected.” However, in 1860, John Russell Bartlett’s Dictionary of Americanism noted that it was being used by children to mean “one who gives a present and then takes it back.”
I know I’ve experienced this a few times as a kid, and having three of my own, it sometimes pops up as a problem when a child gives their friend something thinking they were only going to “borrow” it, and then they suddenly want the prized possession back. Misunderstanding and tears usually follow, but most times, things get worked out. I have very rarely come across someone actually doing this as an adult. (Not using the phrase, but taking a gift back that they gave to someone else.) I think it’s because most adults realize that when you give someone something, it is a gift. It’s forever. Sometimes, we unfortunately realize there are strings attached, (in which case, it’s not really a gift) but mostly, a gift is a gift. I haven’t experienced someone taking back something they gave me for probably 30 years.
Until recently.
And, I can say this with complete honesty: I was heartbroken. I cannot express how much it hurt to see something so meaningful to me get taken away; taken back by the person who willingly gave it. I never gave too much thought over the tears shed over the silly plastic toy or whatever it was that my child (or another) was crying or screaming over… until recently. Who’s to say how valuable something is to someone else? What sentiment it held or how important a treasure it was. I can tell you this though: I have never, and will never, ever take something back that I gave to someone. Even if my feelings have changed, or I am upset at the person… a gift, is a gift, is a gift. It was given for a reason. To take it back is one of the most selfish and hurtful things you can do to a person. I was overwhelmed with tears when I saw the cherished prize that was so dear, get taken from me. I suppose I kind of understand why it happened… although, I still would have appreciated an apology. Unfortunately, I have gotten teary-eyed on several occasions over the disappearance of that precious something.
My grandpa was a smart man.
He taught me yet another lesson that I know I will honor until the day I die. I will not be an “Indian giver.” I will not ever willingly hurt another person’s feelings in that manner. I have felt what it’s like…it’s miserable. It totally sucks to have to learn the value of this lesson again as a 40-year-old.
And now, I shall place my soap box in the center of the floor and stand upon it. (Prepare yourselves…I’m about to spew my opinion and you may not agree with it. It’s okay if you don’t. We do, after all, live in a free country…but alas, it’s my blog.) When you give something to someone, whatever it is, DON’T TAKE IT BACK. Situations change. But, if you give someone something, don’t ever take it away from them…at least not without an explanation as to why. And even then, it still sucks...so prepare to at least throw in an apology if you’re going to do something that cruel. Taking back a gift is just plain mean and hurtful.
Soap box rant over.
Once again, thank you, Grandpa. You were a wise man, indeed.