About five years ago, the attorney I worked for moved to a new office. It was just him and I, and another part-time assistant. That first week, I met a woman who worked in the office suite next door. I worked three days a week, and just about every single day that I worked, she and I had lunch together. We had an hour to kill, and needed an escape from the office. She was loud, stubborn, funny, and friendly; a boisterous personality, for sure! She embarrassed me in public on a weekly basis because she absolutely LOVED to make me blush. She knew how to do it, too. She’d press the buttons, and like magic, my cheeks lit up red! She would laugh, and call attention to it, and I would blush even more, and laughed along with her. There was no malice behind her motives. She had my back, she cared, and we poked fun at each other.
Over time, our friendship grew. I learned she lived just a few miles from me. We shared some dinners, we went to the apple orchard with our kids, she had my kids and myself over to swim in her pool… (and there may have been a few hot tub nights with cocktails and girl talk, too…) She was a stubborn, loveable, devoted, fierce woman. Fierce. A word I’ve never used lightly.
About a year and a half ago, I took a new job, but we stayed in touch. Although we saw each other much less, we still met for lunch every month or so and exchanged texts.
We texted over the holidays and made tentative plans to see each other as soon as the craziness died down. Last week, she texted me because she wanted a set of my books for her niece, and I told her I’d be placing an order for her this month.
Then, this morning, I received the news that my friend had suddenly passed. She had died.
I quickly went to her wall on Facebook and saw the horrible truth. I was in a state of shock all day, but I tried to go about my day as usual. FUNCTION, JULES. Autopilot. Work. Gym. Home. Dinner. Kids. Etc. Etc. But, there was a melancholy feel to everything. It puts things in perspective for a person when one of their peers is suddenly no longer there.
Today was rough. My kids knew her, so at dinner, (our family talking-time), I opened up and shared with them what had happened. I told them I might be sad this weekend, because I had to say goodbye to a friend. They were sympathetic and shocked at the news. After all, she was just a few years older than me.
And then, a bit later, my son got upset. There was a disagreement via text and he was inconsolable. I tried to calm him down and diffuse the situation. Sadly, that didn’t work.
The really upsetting part is, I let the person who upset my son, upset me in a horrible, angry, cruel way. I know I exploded momentarily, but, thankfully, I had enough wherewithal to reign myself in, and say nothing. Because the words I wanted to say (even if true) would've been hurtful and mean, and would’ve served no purpose. I was angry. I was sad. I was hurt.
But, to live as a better human and to be compassionate means:
Taking the higher road, even though it’s often more difficult.
It means, forgiving, instead of being mean or hurtful, even when you want to lash out. It means taking those moments to breathe and calm yourself, before you strike with force. Anger and Meanness serves no purpose to our own well-being or to others.
My friend often said I was the angel on her shoulder. She would make me laugh, saying, “I hear you! In my head! What would Julie Say? (Not that it always works! haha!)” I remembered that in that moment. And I was proud of that.
So, when I cradled my crying, upset son for minutes that seemed to never end, I thought of her, and her son, and I tucked him in. And then, I went to pour myself a drink to honor her.
Crown and Diet. That was her drink. I had no Crown. I had no Diet. (Well, drat!) Straight up whiskey bourbon it is, then. She would’ve approved. Cheers, my friend. I love you, and I will miss you. I’m sorry we never got our last dinner together.
Today was a difficult day. But not as difficult as it was for her husband, her son, her brothers, or her mother… Take yourself out of the equation and think of others.
So, yes, I can keep my mouth closed for the sake of peace and compassion. I will take the higher road, even though it is always more difficult. I’m still here. I can still make a difference.
Tomorrow will be better.
Today was a difficult day.
May we all get tomorrow, so that we have a better day.