As the tears rolled down my cheeks and their salty wetness touched my lips, I angrily brushed them from my face and scolded myself, “STUPID. You are STUPID, Jules. Stop it! Get past this. You are more. You can achieve more.”

More.

What the hell is that? The MORE? We are always looking for "the more." Sometimes, it's a very good thing that we do so. But sometimes, we spin our wheels over something, some dream, or someone that isn’t worthy of it. And maybe… “isn’t worthy” isn’t a fair statement. Maybe… just maybe the actual statement should be that, “Someone isn't ready.” 

I think in 97 out of 100 cases, that’s the truth. You’re ready. But something or someone else isn't. Or, you're the one who's not ready.  In my 44 years of experience and wisdom (take that with a grain of salt), I can tell you that you will never, ever, EVER convince someone that they are ready (for whatever "it" may be). People need to come to their own truths in their own time.

I know you've seen it over and over again in your own life and situations. Just watch a toddler. They display the most innocent of human behavior. Watch how they learn. How they test... over and over again. Until they figure out the way.

It's no different for adults. We just typically take the thing we're trying to figure out and roll it around in our minds, and in our actions, or lack thereof. Sometimes it takes us a long freakin' time to reconcile something.

So, regardless of which side of the equation you are on,  whether you're the one who's ready and waiting on a tangible or intangible counterpart to catch up, or you're the one who isn't ready and needs to act, you have two choices.
    1. Act. Be patient and wait; or
    2. Walk away.

Neither is wrong. Initially.
But, one of those choices may prove to be wrong over time. And, only YOU can determine that. Don’t let outside sources, media, friends, conversations, what your mother says, or what your locker room buddy says determine the course of your action.

YOU CHOOSE. You are the ruler of your own life.

Do not put your decisions about your life on anyone else. It is not her, him, them, it, the kids, the job, etc… Don’t blame circumstance as a reason for bailing, not committing or giving up on a person, an action to be taken, or goal to achieve. YOU CHOOSE. Always. From the moment you choose to get out of bed, pour your coffee (or not), and move through your day, you make hundreds of choices. Take responsibility for your own actions.

Your life. Your choice. Your priorities. If it’s important, you’ll find a way. If it’s not, you’ll find an excuse. Simple as that.

Whether it’s fitness, relationships, your job, your marriage,  your next date ... you choose. You have to live with the consequences.

And, there are ALWAYS consequences. Sometimes they’re good. Sometimes, notsomuch. I'm channeling my inner-Einstein and telling you that every action has a reaction. Although you cannot control others' reactions or feelings, you can use your best efforts to achieve a positive outcome to whatever situation you're in. What you prioritize in your life will most likely become your most successful endeavors; whether that means performing well at your job, your hobby, your love life or any other venture.

Just remember, you are in control of your feelings, emotions and decisions. Choose wisely. But remember to actually choose. Don't sit in the back seat of your own life. Move up front, grab the wheel and steer the direction you want to go! Or, you may find yourself left in the dust as the things, dreams, or  people you value most drive away from you.

The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend I’ve known for nearly 30 years and the subject of empathy came up in our chat. He said to me, “You are great at empathy.” It was a fantastic compliment to receive. He went on to say that it was my best quality. Not my winning personality (ha). Not my sense of humor. Not my fashion sense (or lack thereof). Not my intelligence, or my job, or my eyes, or anything superficial.
My empathy.
 
And honestly? It made me feel ten feet tall and my heart swelled with happiness because I think that’s what this world is lacking. He said empathy “…is hard to find. Impossible to learn.” I disagreed with the fact that it’s impossible to learn. I refuse to believe that we cannot, as an entire intelligent race, learn to be empathetic.
 
You can’t see it. There’s no teacher for it – other than those who lead by example. It can take a long time. But I really feel that empathy is what the human race needs in order to move forward in general. Many people can’t see someone else’s side. They are so focused on their own opinions and feelings, that they steamroll and block out those around them. It is very difficult to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes, or even try to see or feel what they’re doing or experiencing. And, listen, nobody can know exactly what it’s like. But to TRY to UNDERSTAND is the gift. To show compassion and kindness in your words and in your actions is the challenge. You can disagree with a person, but you can still empathize with them. That’s where the difference lies.
 
I understand that you may want to scream at someone, call them out on their actions, or what you consider to be “wrong” behavior. But, depending on the situation, what is the point if you’re yelling, argumentative and cruel about it? Meanness just breeds more meanness. Have you ever noticed that children (and people in general) mirror each other?
 
If you yell at your kid, what do they do? They yell back. Or cry. Or throw a tantrum. If you scream at your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, friend, they instantly want to go on the defensive and scream back. Because you put them on the defensive. When you poke the bear, he gets angry.

It’s much harder to take the high road; to tailor your words to be kind. But showing compassion and empathy, will get you farther and, more times than not, create a more positive outcome. Not having empathy towards others will only allow negativity and selfishness to grow within and spread.  Learning how to speak to someone to create the result you desire is a skill. You must practice it.  When you say something cruel, mean or negative to somebody, it just sparks them to be negative in return. It ignites something in them to be defensive. Where does that get anybody? No where.
 
Especially in light of the recent election and everyone’s need to post their own opinions, thoughts and feelings, try to remember the other guy’s. It’s okay for you to be upset and want to vocalize YOUR hurt. But don’t blame everyone else and try to put them down. Don’t make someone else hurt because you do. That’s like kicking someone else in the shin because you fell down on yours. They are just as entitled to their opinion and feelings. One person does not rule the world. One person can’t change it, either.
But a whole lot of us can.
 
Use your powers for good, not evil.
Don’t fuel the hate fires.
Fuel what’s good in the world and maybe those who are angry or sad or uneducated and don’t know the way, will feel just a bit better for being understood or shown some grace. Maybe your empathy will inspire them to show empathy to someone else.
 
On my drive into work today, an old Howard Jones song came up on my playlist. I shall leave you with the words of “New Song”…